ABOUT
ABOUT
Welcome to The Ally Crash Course!
It's a pleasure to meet you. We are a community-centred site that will serve as your trusted guide when you end up in the Allyship Paradox. This arises when an ally's actions and words don't align with their values and commitment to the groups they've allied themselves with.
The Ally Crash Course's goal is to platform the voices of people who are exploring and learning the multi-dimensional concept of Allyship. The website offers real-life experiences, videos and blogs to provide healing for hurt marginalised people and to educate allies who have hurt others. We take pride in helping our communities learn and engage with one another in a healthy way.
We pride ourselves on being a safe and inclusive space where diverse and respectful dialogue is encouraged. We hope that through the community we build together, we can commit to authentic and equitable practices.
Enjoy!
SUBMISSIONS
SUBMISSIONS
We encourage all individuals to share their experiences navigating the Allyship Paradox. By sharing your story you are contributing to a collective that is helping to navigate an ever-evolving concept. You can submit your story HERE. Please submit your experiences responsibly. We encourage free expression but please note that this is an anonymous outlet and any and all names/places/easily identifiable information will be redacted.
We value your contributions and look forward to hearing from you!
A working professional meeting who said because they are an ally, they should get a pass to speak in a Caribbean or African voice to me. They got too comfortable and it’s not okay.
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O.A [Marginalised Individual]
The white side of my family has been fairly supportive after I suffered a racist incident, which has been really great. A family member from my white side (a cousin) who was really supportive and said how strong I was etc has recently been talking about immigration and how some people just "aren't meant to be here" - considering he knew I was told to "go back to where I came from" it's just ridiculous.
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F.D [Marginalised Individual]
This was indirect harm to me as an Ally. So, for background information I come from a family of standard Eastern European family where the LGBTQ+ members are shunned upon. In 2019 I still hadn't come out as asexual to anyone but I did participate in the Pride Parade in [REDACTED] to support some of my queer, trans and bisexual friends. I was so happy to be there with them. But I made the mistake of sharing my happiness with extended members of my family. When they learned about my involvement in this movement, I was disowned. I was taken out of my grandparents' will. They passed away recently and I, indeed, was not in their will. I couldn't understand why. I wasn't even there as a member of the movement, I was there as an Ally, as a supportive friend (like I was raised to be). They restricted contact with me for being part of the parade...We grew very distant and in some way that made me confident to come out as Asexual and not feel ashamed about it despite asexuals being misunderstood within the community as well as outside of it. So that's my story.
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A.G [Ally]
A while ago I worked with young people in a youth club setting. Some of the work included being an ally around disability, with mixed groups accessing the space. One day a young person came to the centre with her crutches. One of the ways I had learnt to ‘break the ice’ with new people was with humour. I asked the young person someone like ‘that looks dramatic- what happened to you?’ to which they replied ‘I had a brain tumour’ I was shocked and embarrassed and annoyed at myself for not thinking before I spoke. I apologised immediately, but of course, the damage had been done. Now I try and approach each individual I encounter with curiosity rather than assumption, and try and listen to them rather than go for a ‘quick win’.
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R.W [Ally]
I am often very worried about ‘saying the wrong thing’ and causing offense or hurt. So much so that I think I avoid trying to use any term of referencing someone’s identity in case I do not use the correct or appropriate terminology. I think then on reflection in some way this then is Almost as bad as misidentifying someone, or is it? I’m not sure I know and I think this is part of the problem and where I’m not an active ally. I do try to do research and educate myself but honestly - really honestly - do I find the time and put the effort in - no not really. I know I could do much more. So I think ultimately whilst I am unaware of any instances where I have caused offense or upset (which is not to say I haven’t done these things) I do feel that I’m not really as active an ally as I could be. Part of that is down to my own laziness in educating myself - part of it down to fear of being racist, transphobic, and so on so I simply avoid. I therefore think the work being done here and building resources for people like me to refer to would be fantastic. I want to be better.
S.H [Ally]
I have been confronted by many "allies" before about my sexuality. I am asexual and some LGBTQIA allies come with an inquisitive tone towards asexuals, saying things like "You'll find the one" or "How come? Sex is natural". I didn't ask you to feel bad for me. There's nothing wrong with me so relax.
B.A [Marginalised Individual]
Whilst in a professional work meeting a colleague said the N-Word and no one batted an eyelid. And I was the only Black person in the community. That was crazy to me.
Z.T [Marginalised Individual]
I've always considered an ally of really most marginalised groups; women, the queer community and people who are othered in society in general. That being said, I have been in many instances and spaces where other people would be blatantly sexist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic etc. and I'd feel very uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that I would instantly attempt to change the subject but would not call it out in that moment. More recently, I have been actively trying to cultivating the habit of calling out bigotry when I see it and when hear it. It's tricky sometimes and could lead to unease but I think making an active effort to do it is a good first step and being passive is part of the problem.
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C.D [Ally]
It's funny being mixed race, as I wouldn't necessarily call most people in my immediate family allies. I am closer to the white side of my family, as they have always lived in the UK. On one hand, being extremely welcoming of a mixed race relationship in the 1980s was pretty progressive for Northern Ireland, but on the other hand, they ust don't 'get' mixed race. I know they would never seek to act in a discriminatory way, but allyship has made me call into question if that's enough (spoiler: no). Recently, I was having a conversation with my Grandmother about being brown and experiencing prejudice, and she said 'well, you're not really brown, are you?'- as if this was a compliment! Family are probably the number one people you would like to be your allies, but it's bloody hard work trying to explain what this means and how I might be impacted by racism even though they perceive me as 'white'.
R.W [Ally]
Working in the world of real estate is a real rollercoaster. It is known as a world of men and a world dominated by men and no woman can do their job. I found this stigmatism in the branch I was working. My colleague would stand up for women's rights and say ‘ I think that it's wrong women can't drive in certain countries’ and in the same tone on a different day say ‘My missus is driving my car today, I wonder what she is going to bump into next’. I would get sly comments like ‘Oh careful driving the company car etc’ it was really hot and cold.
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E.M [Marginalised Indivudual]
BLOG POSTS
BLOG POSTS
Allyship in Technicolor: Embracing the Beautiful Contradictions
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If you're reading this, it's not too late. Sorry Drake but we encourage effective allyship over here. Allyship is the act of a person supporting discriminated-against groups though the person not being a part of that group. It's built on solidarity, unselfishness and actions. In recent years it has gained significant traction, especially after the Black Lives Matter insurgence in 2020. Whilst allyship is beautiful, beneath its surface lies a paradox. A web of complexities, a series of contradictions that can provide a challenge to even the most well-intended allies. We're here to help you on your journey to learn something new so, let's take a dive into the allyship paradox shall we?
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On a very basic level, the allyship paradox exists when an ally causes more harm than good to the communities and people they're allied to. Allies are supposed to challenge injustice, support vulnerable groups and do it unselfishly but, despite that allies can end up centering themselves, adopting a victim complex when corrected and falling into the pit of performative allyship.
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Are you still with me? The core of the paradox is acknowledging the impact of power dynamics and privilege. Allies need to clearly understand their own power positions and evaluate the potential harm they might cause. For example, if you're neighbour's house catches fire, you'll use your phone to call the fire brigade right? You wouldn't talk about the time your own house caught on fire and hijack the conversation. Allies need to be able to give underrepresented voices their own stage to speak.
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To successfully navigate the paradox, one must confront their own assumptions, stereotypes and biases. Please raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimised by an ally who instead of acknowledging their wrongs, would rather make themselves the victim? *raises hand*. Exactly. Allies need to be willing to unlearn, relearn and be open to feedback. ​At this point in the paradoxical journey, we emphasise the need for allies to listen, comprehend and reflect. *Hey Alexa, queue Reflection from the Mulan soundtrack*. To be an effective ally, you need to have a genuine curiosity to understand the experiences of marginalised identities without imposing your own beliefs. Just listen.
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Performative allyship and 'Slacktivism' is a prominent challenge in the paradox but, that's why we're here to help you. Authenticity and uninterrupted commitment goes a long way! Allies need to have an objective, this being striving for authentic practice & the dismantling of tokenistic gestures. We cannot have a repeat of the black square fiasco, please. Your commitment will look like consistent action, advocacy, having those uncomfortable situations until they become comfortable etc.
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All in all, if you take away one thing from this blog let it be this. The allyship paradox reminds us that the concept of allyship isn't always a walk in the park. It's complex, fluid and nuanced. We all need to work on our humility, self-awareness and be accountable to ourselves and others. By understanding power dynamics and behaviours we can navigate the paradox. Embrace the journey, reflect on the journey and take it with us.
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Thanks for reading!
Toluwa Atilade
(Writer)